bigdog
I am sorry for your loss. I too have lost family very close to me.
However life of the living must go on. After one of my brothers died it really effected my Mother. Too much grief is a bad thing.
You must go on. You have other family that needs you.

Life is for the living.
Your sons death illustrates how fragile life is.

One persons death should not destroy the life of others.

Cherish the times you spent with him, and cherish the time you have with the rest of your family, and friends.