OK, ladies and gentlemen (and all the rest of you laggards, braggarts and poltroons), here's a chance to inform a fellow card-carrying Dirty Old Man about the whiles and wherefores of leopard hunting.

I'm off to South Africa, paid the deposit, in July 2013. I'm the guy who pondered the choice between a 416 Ruger and a 257 Weatherby. Now I'm going. Got a new rifle in ... Well, what caliber do you think, and why? Hint: wasn't strictly for the bullet performance.

I'm open to any advice, folklore, ramblings, or downright lies. Let me know what you think about this hunt. You don't even have to have been there, done that.

I've been to Africa four times. Carried everything from 300WM to 577Nitro. Ate a lot of dust. I'm such a great African expert after four trips that I think I know it all. Can track better than the locals. Never missed a brain shot. Can walk the PH into the ground. Can out drink, out smoke and out hunt any five good men. Can't leap tall buildings, but a two-story isn't out of the question.

Mostly, I can lie like a well-beaten rug.

So, what say you?